"It's like I have ESPN or something!"

From February:

"You need to plan us a fortieth anniversary party," Dad told me. "We'll pay for it, but you and [G.] have to plan it."

"Which means I'll be doing everything." I know how these things play out.

"They'll help you."

"I'll still end up doing everything."

After days of trying, I finally got an answer from G. about the invitations: He was "nutso busy" (I wish I were only "nutso busy"...) and he and B. didn't have any ideas -- but, gosh, they'd be more than happy to look at whatever I came up with and handle the actual mailing.

Uh-huh.

Dad called me yesterday to point out that the invitations hadn't gone out yet.

"I didn't know that I was going to be stuck doing them until late last week," I pointed out in reply. "And you didn't tell me what you wanted on them until Mother's Day."

"We told you weeks before that."

"Uh, no, we couldn't get a straight answer about the time until then."

"Well, obviously, we're remembering things differently." Which certainly looks like a reasonable statement on paper, but was spoken in a manner that said, "You're remembering it wrong, but I'll patronize you because we have to get these invitations out."

"You didn't even get us a guest list until, like, last week. And you keep changing it."

"I didn't get you a guest list because there weren't invitations."

"There weren't invitations because we didn't have the information, and because [G.] and [B.] gave every indication that they'd be doing them."

A sigh. "This isn't very productive."

Really.

"Anyway," I continued, "I sent [G.] some possibilities to look over, but I haven't heard back."

"They're at the beach today."

Of course.

Long story short? I designed the invitations. After I spent a couple of days trying to get some answers about who was doing what, Mom and Dad just printed them up and mailed them out.

I'm also the one who secured a caterer -- fortunately, a friend who can handle the insane uncertainty we're foisting upon him.

I'm the one prodding G. to ask questions like, "Where are all these people going to sit?" And then not knowing whether he asks. Or, at this point, caring.

The kids have... stopped by the parents' house to borrow a cooler for the beach.

I'm done.

And, yes, I know I've said that before.

If anyone reading this can come up with a very good reason for my presence to be required elsewhere on Sunday, June 25, now would be a good time to share it. It'll have to be a very good reason, but I think if we put our heads together we can come up with something. Who's with me?